Breakup?
Mood: Meh, shmee-shmaa.
So it looks like my long-distance is going to break up with me. Which is fine, actually. I never could have done it. She’s incredibly sensitive and has a serious drinking problem. I hate being the cause of a bout of alcohol abuse, not that it hasn’t happened before.
And here’s another strange thing. She’s in love with me. I’m not in love with her.
The relationship is incredibly complicated. She’s much younger than me, still in college. We now live 1600 miles away. We’re from different socio-economic classes. She’s a self-medicating alcoholic who has been through stuff straight out of “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things”. I’m bi-polar, 34, have no distinct future or plans, no money, am barely employed and lonely.
As you can probably guess, the sex is wonderful.
In my previous post “Testing Results“, I mentioned how I enter relationships that are destined to fail. I’ve said I never want to get a divorce, but it appears that I set myself up for mini-divorces in all my relationships. I either choosing people who can’t handle a serious relationship, or I sabotage it myself somehow.
I should be married right now. On one of my manic phases I screwed up a 3 year relationship. We were (again) in a long-distance but this was after 2 1/2 in the same city. We had an ‘open relationship’ but the ground rules weren’t laid out clearly enough. I slept with another girl, my gf considered it cheating, and that was that. At the time, I felt like a rock star and didn’t see the problem with hooking up with someone, why that might hurt her, or why dating 2 other girls on top of the others would cause problems. Manic states bring on hypersexuality and spates of cheating. Here’s an article on Bipolar hypersexual behavior.
She was bipolar too. Diagnosed at the time, unlike me. I don’t know what it is that attracts me to crazy girls. They just seem so much more interesting. However, they usually can’t hold down their end of a relationship, so that’s shooting the whole thing in the foot right from the moment I make the choice to date them.
I bet we won’t even break up and this will be a post inspired by nothing. But I wouldn’t bet much.
